Diamond claims she loves marks on her ass - though her pain tolerance is more of a 'see how far I can fake it before crying' experiment. So, because we're all about mutual suffering here, we decided to upgrade her training session with some 'artisanal' discipline: carpenter rods, the kind that double as both sadistic tools and future firewood. The breakage factor? Just our way of adding a touch of chaos to the experience - nothing says romance like splinters in your skin.

I bought, like, a whole bundle of those rods, thinking that would finally be enough… but no. Diamond lost her mind faster than a politician in an ethical dilemma. She went full Berzerk Mode on my ass like it was her last day on Earth before the apocalypse . The rods shattered so fast, my cameraman had to suit up in full hazmat gear just to film us without losing an eye to a rogue splinter. Safety first, I guess.